"Put a Diamond In It"

And fucking bite down.

I was talking to Alex about having to uphold my image - a nonexistent one, that is, just blending into the walls. I watch these videos by Semi Precious Weapons, and wonder if people would ever expect me to be into these sort of things, raunchy situations. I take nudity and open sexuality so lightly, but if you threw it at someone else, they'd blush and put up a defense, stuttering about anything and everything that just screams prude.

Sometimes I'd like to be thrown into this lifestyle, where images don't matter and you can do whatever the fuck you please, get up in someone's space without giving a fuck, playing well into the night next to someone whose name you don't remember.

DAMN Justin Tranter. Damn you for being gay. You need to teach straight men a lesson on being so fucking fantastic, I swear.

Maybe this isn't for me.

Maybe I shouldn't be doing this. Two nights straight, and there is absolutely no change.

Maybe I just suck. I'm not the typical definition, I'm not professional, and "loving to do it" just doesn't cut it anymore.

I should know my damn place. In the background, where I can stop trying to shine so fucking hard when there's nothing to shine.

And when I'm gone,
Just carry on, don't mourn.
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice.
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling,
And I didn't feel a thing,
So baby don't feel no pain -
Just smile back.

I'll be gone.
But please, just smile back.

Yes, this is for you.

My heart is going to give out once this magazine comes, I feel it.

House Catch-Up.

"I work as a carrier because I want to. It's easy, I don't have to think."

"It's too hard to think?"

"No. Just unpleasant. No matter what I did, it really wasn't good enough. And then I met (her). She didn't care how smart I was or what I might accomplish in the future. It's the first time in my life that i was really happy - "

"So I decided I would rather be happy than smart."

"You Become More Open and Friendly"

Beginning.

"What are you doing?"

Just sitting around.

"Damn. Why don't you go out and make some plans?"

...

I just stopped caring, I guess.

"I have something that could fix that, haha."

...

Doesn't that make you paranoid? Or well, I wouldn't really know.

"Well, the first few times it gives you a little panic (...) But then you know it's just settling in. Then you can just be around people and feel like you're in heaven."

So after some point, eventually people won't be able to tell?

"You do notice it, though. Then you become more open and friendly. But you can't be without people. It starts to feel uncomfortable."

I'd really like for something like that to come into my life.

"Yep. It's really great for a party and it makes everything that much better. Only, don't do it when you're sad. Makes reliance easier to avoid."

Sounds like my kind of thing. The only thing is that this environment would make it all that much harder to experience.

"Then it's not for you, to be honest."

Too bad. It would've been nice though, to finally enjoy things again.


Goodnight, late night online not-so-stranger.

Let My German Go!

Seriously, why can't they throw Perrine and her other fucking crazy ass friends into a mental clinic? You CAN'T send a guy to jail for five years on "assault" charges, when he only threw a punch, AFTER the bitch threatened his family and harassed his mother and friends and chased his car on the autobahn at top speeds.

Chris beat the shit out of Rihanna and the kid just had to do community service. Europeans are much less exaggerated and Tom didn't even hurt her. Temporarily deaf with ringing in the ears, my ass. You said he punched your face and threw you to the ground, and I really doubt you can go deaf if you fall on your fat, ugly ass. If you're going to attempt a false accusation, at least think about it before running your rat-face mouth.

Tom's been so happy looking and relaxed since the allegations in April died down, and now they fucking throw this bomb so close to the holidays when they're finally going to finish the World Behind My Wall video tomorrow and go on their traditional holiday break.

Some fucking break they'll have. I wish girls would fucking cut the feminist crap nowadays. First you say that you want to be treated equal alongside men and now you act just as weak and defenseless as men thought you were, playing the "he hit a girl!" card. Fuck you to hell. Don't provoke them to the breaking point then, for fuck's sake. I'll deal with my punches if it's a penalty for the wrongful actions I've done, penis or vagina. And the only reason this psycho followed Tom? It's because she's been over obsessed about sleeping with him for years. Wasn't that something else women wanted to prove in their "movement"? That women are not just useful for housecleaning and prostitution? Then stop fucking throwing yourselves at men desperately and doing anything you can for a quick, meaningless fuck. This whole making girls the victims all the time makes me want to rip out my uterus; these girls are a damn disgrace to the female race.